My little boy starts Kindergarten tomorrow, which is odd since he can’t possibly be old enough for this. Regardless, we attended the “Meet the Teacher” event last week and everything went pretty well. Hud found his seat, met his new table-mate and located his cubby hole while I unloaded 58lbs of required school supplies and filled out enough paperwork to rival a mortgage. (One page of this paperwork included a section where I was to list the color, species and name of any household pets. I like to think the fact that I didn’t list a purple unicorn named Agamemnon is proof that I’m maturing.) On the way out, I was given a copy of the student handbook, which I promptly tossed in our “pile of stuff we may or may not look at later” when we got home. After all, it’s elementary school and while I attended Kindergarten during the Carter administration, I was pretty sure I knew the basic rules.
Well, a couple of days later, I decided to skim the book and make sure there wasn’t some sort of “gotcha” form that I needed to sign and return to the school. It was then I discovered things had changed a bit in the last 35 years. For instance, in the section labeled ” Student Behavior”, I found this:
“Students will act in a respectful manner toward all teachers, school personnel and volunteers.”
Absolutely…I agree completely. Next:
“Signs of disrespect include sighing and facial expressions, such as eye-rolling. Students who exhibit any of these behaviors will sent to the principal’s office for a written disciplinary report. Three written reports will result in the student’s suspension and/or expulsion from the school.”
If sighing and eye-rolling were felonies, Hudson would be in solitary confinement with a baseball and a glove or mowing ditches with a Southern chain gang. And he comes by it naturally, as I was an eye-rolling and sighing savant as a kid. I’m probably not the greatest role model for those particular personality quirks today, either. <cue the 80’s era “I learned it from watching you!” public service announcement>
Now, I’m not condoning this behavior or saying it should go without correction and/or some sort of punishment. I realize it’s disrespectful. But these are 5 year old kids! If students risk expulsion for three eye-rolls, the Class of 2026 may not make it to middle school. It’s been a relatively quiet Sunday here at the house and I’ve heard enough heavy sighs to disown the boy if we applied those rules at home.
Hopefully, Hud’s teacher will be reasonable and I won’t be shopping for military schools by the end of the week. I’d hate for him to bear the stigma of a being labeled an incorrigible sighing eye-roller. That never looks good on a college application.